Fit For Heroes!

Chapter Three

You still here? I thought you’d have buggered off by now. That’s kind of you. Fancy standing on guard so that no one could disturb me. The least you could do? I’m not sure I understand what you mean. Why don’t I sleep in here of a night? You really don’t get it do you. This skip is locked up at night, so we can’t take the food. Like I told you, they don’t want to give it away to anyone. It seems it makes more economic sense to throw it all into holes in the ground.

Of course it will rot and generate gas – methane is one of them. I think there are other gases, but I don’t know what they’re called. You do? That’s very smart of you. You may not think so, but I do. So! Let me get this right: Amines, which are ammonia of sorts, carbon dioxide, (like I didn’t expect that one). Hydrogen Sulphide? Now that doesn’t sound too good – and all matter of god knows what. How can that be a better thing to do with excess food than to give it to the poor and hungry? You may well shrug. Do you see what I mean about the wickedness of mankind?

You may well have seen the wickedness of man, but you’ve seen nothing in comparison to me. I mean, I have seen the Devil himself. See! I apologise I didn’t mean to mock and scoff. Whether you are offended or not, it is still wrong of me to ridicule you, just because you haven’t seen the Devil himself.

I must clarify; I don’t mean that I saw a horned, cloven hoofed creature, but I saw evil in a man that had to make him the Devil incarnate. Yes, I know I said I didn’t believe in either, and that still stands true. What I mean is, as I alluded to earlier, there is no need for either deity when one experiences humanity in its extremes. Not now, I’ll talk of it later. It’s coming up to lunch time and there is the chance of getting a couple of quid together. I feel good today, and although this may sound ridiculous, when one is positive one becomes a good beggar. The lack of desperation seems to work better than when you’re at your lowest ebb and aching with hunger and fatigue.

Yes! It is ironic. Something to do with the human psyche I suppose. People don’t like to be negged out. Negged? Made to feel negative, down, depressed….you get the drift now? I suppose it is a funny word. You’re right it does define it once you understand the meaning. A word you’ll be using in the future. What? You don’t seem that negative to me. I can’t believe you are always negged out.

It does sound funny when you say it. I hope I’m not offending you by laughing. It’s just that it is funny. Thank you. What a sweet thing to say. That’s so very human. I suppose I do have the right to be happy and I’m glad that you’re happy to make me happy.

Right onwards and upwards…… £1! not too bad a start. I’ll sit here a little longer. Why don’t I have a dog? Yes it does work well for some. No, it’s not my barrow; I’m not saying I don’t like dogs, just that having one and using one for begging just doesn’t rock my boat. Like I said, it works for some.

Although! I remember the story of one bloke who had a dog and was begging outside one of the supermarket monstrosities. Some elderly lady gave the statement, a heart-felt one, about what a poor soul and what a shame it was that he should be left on the street homeless and hungry. Exactly where a man is supposed to be when he’s homeless I’m yet to discover. Any way, she gave a pitiful look and walked into the store. He, the bloke who was begging, thought he was in for a right treat. Some time later, she returns with a sausage roll and a bag of shopping. Your man thinks he’s sorted, and his belly rumbled in anticipation; a rumble that was premature to say the least.

She, without any sense of irony or empathy, proceeded to feed the sausage roll to the dog, a dog that was ready to leave its owner in the throws of virtual starvation, which wolfed down the roll without it touching the sides. Now being hungry is a wicked and annoying situation but, when one is expecting for that feeling to be satiated, the discovery it isn’t makes it explode into a feeling of deep depression. Any way. She then turned to the bloke and handed him the bag of shopping and looked towards the dog as she spoke. “Don’t forget to give him a can a day, there’s enough for two weeks in there.”

Do you know what was in the bag? You do? Yes it is funny. I know in a really sad way it’s bad to find it funny but, if I wasn’t to laugh I’d cry. You feel the same only you can’t seem to cry.

Man you have issues. Crying is a good emotional ridder. It may not be a word but, it just seems to be the right kinda phrase. For me, I cry often. No! Never in public! A man should never show the enemy his weaknesses. Who is the enemy? They are! Those that walk passed and continue with their lives as if it is separate from the likes of me. Of course it shouldn’t be so. Of course man should see man as man; man as his brother, the same and one and the same but, for some reason we have the ability; not true, some of us have the ability, to disassociate ourselves from the rest of humanity. I agree. That was a very convoluted way of saying it, yet you know it works. You understand me, right? I’m glad you do. For a second there I wasn’t too sure I understood me. Sorry for the chuckle but, sometimes I have a tendency to waffle and that can take me off track. You must bear in mind that I am non compos mentis. Or so the last doctor told me. Reckons I was suffering from PTSD – yes it reminds me of some woman’s disorder too. Every time I hear it in my head I think of PMS. Of course you know what it means? That’s right. Post-traumatic stress disorder. Something to do with the shit I’ve seen. What shit? I’ll explain it later – I haven’t got the time or energy to go into it now.

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